September 9, 2009: But is it really about her? I'm not sure what it's about. I'm surprised to find more of me than I had hoped. I consider leaving this out (me), but I know it's best not to second guess the writing process. The best I can do now is to show up for work at this kitchen table, pick up the pen, and stay out of the way -- as any good parent watching her child learn a new skill while wielding dangerous gadgets might do. It's best not to edit, fix up, or prettify too much right now. It's easier to take out later than to fill in pieces I have regretfully hacked away. I have this messy feeling inside about the two chapters/essays I have typed this morning.
One of my biggest character flaws for writing is that I am not comfortable with chaos. I get very edgy and don't trust a mess. I'm always trying to fine tune the details before the large picture has had time to settle. This is something I have to challenge: Be comfortable with chaos.
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